Pardon me, sir. You just came from the Oval Office. How did you get in there without my seeing you go in?

Side door. Interns, pizza deliveries, family, and staff only. My military uniform helped.

But who are you?

I’m the new Director of the Department of Human Resources. I don’t have my badge yet, but I have a handwritten note from the Boss.

Hmm. OK. But you need to get that badge ASAP, all right? We reporters are in enough hot water without being accused of burglary.

Wilco.

Sounds like Army?

Marines.

I didn’t know we had a Department of Human Resources.

We didn’t, until this morning. The Boss created it with an executive order.

Why?

Overload. Got to where he needed help to keep straight who was on his way in and who was on his out. Tell me, which way is Priebus’ office?

Down this hall, first right, if he still has one.

Is he likely to be there?

Probably. Why?

He’s the first on my firing list for today.

Why?

You know the answer to that. ‘Mine is not to reason why…’

I know, I know. But I thought he might have explained it to you.

He’s not so big on explaining. He’s big on loyalty. In his book Priebus wasn’t loyal.

How so?

Boss told him, ‘Get that health bill passed.’ He started explaining that it would be politically difficult if not impossible. That the top priority of everyone in DC is to stay in DC as long as possible. The perks are world-class. Once you’re in it’s 97% guaranteed that gerrymanering will keep you in. But you still have to spot changes in wind direction in advance. Reince told him that from that standpoint taking away health care from 22 million people would not be a good long-term career move.

Isn’t that what Chief of Staff is supposed to do — give good advice?

Not around here. Not with this Boss. Here, you salute and say ‘Yessir’ and march straight ahead into the cannon’s mouth.

So he’s firing Priebus?

No. He doesn’t do that face-to-face except on his TV show. He delegates other people to do it. So he delegated me. Had to establish a whole new Department to give me the authority.

So now after you fire Reince you will be designated to hire a new Chief of Staff?

I assume so.

Candidates?

He doesn’t have any yet. He just said ‘Get me a general’. I think he regards generals as pretty good on loyalty. West Point. Discipline. Ask no questions. That sort of thing. A good general just salutes and says, ‘Yessir” and it gets done.

What gets done?

Whatever. Subject to change in the next half-hour.

And you accepted a job like that?

Why not? I busted my ass for years to get these two stars, but nobody ever heard of me. Until this morning. Now I’ll have my name in the media. Recognition. Another line on the résumé. I’m going to need a civilian job. Reporters will all know me. They say groupies go bonkers over older guys with medals.

But don’t you expect to get fired yourself?

Right. Looking forward to it, in fact. Sooner the better. Who in his right mind wants to keep this kind of job? If I’m lucky I’ll be out of here in less than two weeks. Now, do you know any other ex-generals looking for work?

No, sir. Do you now where the next so-called press conference is going to be held?

No. Sorry.