I can’t believe it!
What?
We had it locked up. Mitch did his number on Merrick Garland, Grassley was right there doing his “quick hearing” bit, the Boss was keeping his nose clean, and everything was set for you to be confirmed. I even had your wife find an “old family bible” in the bookcase. Then this bitch suddenly shows up from nowhere. After 36 years. Says you tried to rape her at a drinking party in high school. 36 years ago! Can you believe to what depths Democrats will sink to try to deny the Boss his nominees? It boggles the mind.
What can I say? Only that I’m not the same person I was 36 years ago.
Don’t ever say that! That’s tantamount to admitting you did it.
Well, I very possibly did/ We were a pretty rowdy bunch in those days. There were many evenings I no longer recall. A lot of that time is lost in an alcoholic haze.
I’m telling you to never say that! What do you mean, “possibly”?
Well, I don’t remember this lady in particular, but I do remember that I was pretty randy in my student days. And pretty soused a lot of the time. We concentrated on staying soused those years, all of us. Something like she describes might very well have happened. All I can do at this point is apologize and hope she can forgive.
Are you completely nuts? You think that will fly in these days of MeToo? There’s no way. These hyperventilating crones want blood. They want sacrificial victims. They want trophies — severed heads on pikes. You see what they’re doing to the Cosbys and Moonves. Those guys were big. I mean BIG! And they’re getting clobbered in spite of their power. The witches will have no problem with you. You don’t even have a Neilsen rating — no name recognition outside your little legal world — essentially no allies. You’re a sitting duck.
Well, what do you suggest I do?
I’m not suggesting, my friend. I am dictating. This is serious business. If you want the job you play it my way, word for word, exactly as I say :
1) You didn’t do it.
2) You have no recollection of any drinking parties, you were in your room praying and doing your homework.
3) This woman is a publicity hound. She is angling for her own reality show on TV. She’s going to write a book. She is being financed by political troublemakers. Secret Deep Staters.
4) There are no witnesses. It’s “she said, he said” all the way, and he will always win those because most judges are men.
But what about the lady herself? What if she’s telling the truth? What if I really tried to rape her and scarred her for life?
Believe me, she’s no lady. She’s a plant dragged out by Schumer and Pelosi to gum up the works.
How do you know that? I read that she’s a respected university teacher with a PhD and an impressive résumé and a nice family.
Of course you did. That’s the standard tactic of the fake media. They love to create a fight. If everything is going like clockwork you don’t hear a peep from them. The minute there’s the slightest hitch they’re all over you, like leeches. Enemies of the people.
Enemies of which people? The women who say they were wronged? The grown-up little boys and girls who were once the playthings of priests and the moguls?
What are you, some kind of socialist? You and I know they don’t matter a shit. What matters is that we Republicans stay in office forever so nobody finds out what else we are doing. Hasn’t the Boss’s success made that clear to your picky little legal mind?
No. It hasn’t. I am more concerned with my conscience. I believe I am a nice person today, but I admit that I may not always have been. I will be dead some day, and I will be dead a long time. I want my children and my wife to able to say I played it straight. I also want to sleep nights for the rest of my allotted life.
You’ll sleep nights, alright. Back in the second tier, where the goody-goody guys go. And to think of the opportunity you had — to wear the black robe for the rest of your life and have everyone look up to you …
Like they do to Clarence Thomas?
He’s in, isn’t he? And you’re out. And he’ll stay in, liar that he was. And we’re in. And if you stick to your stupid Boy Scout act, you’re out. You’ll never get in.
Then so be it. I have to live with me.
Vance Weaver 